The Truth About My Pregnancy: Desperation...


We’d like to begin this post by thanking each and every one of you who have prayed, wrote, texted, called and have continued to check in on us, the power of your support is immeasurable.

We had an ultrasound this past Monday and Faith is still fighting!

She is measuring at roughly 18 weeks and I am currently 26 weeks. Over the past three weeks she gained 3 ounces while her brother gained 13, the difference in their growth provides a perspective. We decided to wait and see a cardiologist since she is still very small and we would like to ensure any scan they complete will be thorough and provide valuable information. About 4 weeks ago we met the NICU doctor that would perform any necessary surgeries with the exception of the heart, which would be performed at Phoenix Children’s Hospital. We also toured the facility and met with many members of the staff and feel we would be in good hands if our road leads in this direction.

Our next ultrasound will be on January the 8th. The days leading up to these scans are tough and the desperation we endure while waiting to see if her tiny heart is beating is unimaginable. For us, the journey of trying to conceive was and is still filled with the same presence of desperation. A deep desire and want that you have no control over. I feel a kinship with those who like me have struggled to conceive, have miscarried or who have laid a child to rest. My heart breaks for the sleepless nights, the whys we don’t have the answers to, the wedge that can establish between husband and wife and the stiff lonely feeling of desperation. Sadly the numbers of women in my company are great and I stand and pray with each of you.

The holidays for us were very different. I wasn’t interested in putting up decorations or perfectly placing ornaments on the tree but we pressed on for our son H who is beginning to understand the magic of the holidays and how during this season we celebrate Jesus. Thankfully I am reminded daily how blessed I am to have my son, his joy and purity is refreshing and in him I see a glimmer of hope. Our road to conceive him was rough and our marriage has suffered many consequences along the way but in the end we are blessed. Our life isn’t perfect and unfortunately this current journey does not provide us a single guarantee but we will continue on. We get up each morning, take care of business, put on a happy face and try to find a sense of normalcy in a point in time that is anything but normal. I also think of those who God has perfectly placed in my life – our neighbors, the ladies in my prayer and bible study groups, women from church – and I am thankful because without them I’d be lost. They provide encouragement, love, blessings, and support that I desperately need right now.

As we head into the new year I pray that each of you reading this finds a small place in your heart to feel peace, to reflect on the many blessing God has bestowed on your life, for those random acts of kindness to the furry friend that is always right there by your side. Life is precious and our time here is never guaranteed: hug tighter, smile more often, find the silver lining, and seek kindness in all that you do. May you and your family be blessed!

#PrayingForFaith

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